It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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