i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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