You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
