He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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