My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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