Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
