Only a mothe r could love this liver
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
