**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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