Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
