Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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