They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
