remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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