so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
this is an emotional support booty call
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
