a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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