He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
