Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
