Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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