i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
