6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
