Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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