I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
