So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
