and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Randomize
