Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
