When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
