happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
