I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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