Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
