I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
