I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
