No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Couch. On fire.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
