I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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