i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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