Ambien. No doubt about it.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
