I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
