How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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