Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
