its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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