I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
