He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
