I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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