Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
this boner is exhausting
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
