is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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