i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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