I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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