U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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