a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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