dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
