they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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