Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
