Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
